oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
