She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
