and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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