He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
