I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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