She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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