She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
