Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
