Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i need some magic done to my vagina
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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