If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
