Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
