Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
