Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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