dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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