do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
