I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
