If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
