If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
