I think I won the penis lottery.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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