Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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