I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
