I hate your face
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
