he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
