i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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