dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
