Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
