We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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