Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You were trust falling into bushes
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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