Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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