Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Acid is not a monday night drug
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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