woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
