Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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