so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
