Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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