I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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