basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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