woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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