in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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