Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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