wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
