if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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