Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
