i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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