Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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