I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
so let's talk penis.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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