So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
