i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
