Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
