i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
