This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
