i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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