singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Randomize
