Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
